WHY?!

Why do we sometimes say things we don’t mean?
Why do we Feel things we don’t want to?
Why do we sometimes behave the way we do?
I mean sometimes I just behave like a complete jerk. To add to it, we do know its wrong but still feel, behave, react as if almost on an automated mode! Why?
Memories…funny, sweet, sour, happy, sad, lame, embarrassing, proud…all kinds of memories we have! Sometimes these are all that is left! We cherish them…like a treasure so valuable! Memories we want to forget, memories we want to keep fresh forever! Do they appear as per our leisure? Not really! Why?
Our mind may be used by us to play the movie of our memories as per our wish. But they say, Heart has the mind of its own. No control on what will this little organ, which after numerous researches and studies is still unpredictable, remind us of!
So I got curious about how exactly do these random thoughts, memories, ideas appear? I was intrigued by this and decided to surf internet on this topic. Here is what I found. I have compiled the little research I did after a lot of reading. Firstly as most of us know, there are two minds, conscious mind and unconscious or subconscious mind. The conscious mind is the part of your mind that is responsible for logic and reasoning. Whenever you are aware of the thing you’re doing you can be confident that you are doing it by your conscious mind. The conscious mind is also known to be the gate-keeper for the mind. In simple words, it’s under our control. It acts the logical way we want it to. We are very aware of what goes on in our conscious mind. So the memories that come across our mind when we find something familiar is what our conscious mind helps us remember. While the unconscious mind can be seen as the source of dreams and automatic thoughts (those that appear without any apparent cause), the repository of forgotten memories (that may still be accessible to consciousness at some later time), and the locus of implicit knowledge (the things that we have learned so well that we do them without thinking). Emotions are also controlled by your subconscious mind. That’s why we sometimes might feel afraid, anxious or down without wanting to experience such a feeling. Basically, our unconscious mind is responsible for all our involuntary actions. When we crash against something our hand automatically reaches out to the place where it aches, action by our unconscious mind. The subconscious is also the home of our emotions–which accounts for its dominance of the conscious mind.  This is true because in most cases our emotions will easily overrule the rational part of us. Hence the reminder of memories that our conscious mind was ordered to forget appear ever so often.
When there is a conflict between the conscious and subconscious minds, the subconscious mind almost always wins out. The subconscious never judges, analyzes, or rationalizes; it simply accepts all information presented to it. Judging is what our conscious mind does. Children are said to have subconscious mind till age of 9, no wonder they never judge anyone. Now, ever met someone for whom you have an immediate dislike?  Most of us have had that sort of reaction to a person or an event that causes us some level of emotional upset for no readily apparent reason.  We don’t know the person at all; they haven’t done anything to us, yet something about the person seems to cause us to experience some unpleasant feelings in our body and perhaps some equally unpleasant thoughts. Ever wondered why? Something about the person (their energy, the way they look, or perhaps their body language) reminds us of another person who at some time in the past caused us some kind of emotional upset. Our subconscious mind recorded the encounter with the person who originally caused us the emotional upset and stored those memories for us in the depths of our mind. of our body.  And when we met this “new” person, something about them triggered the unpleasantness as if on automated response.
Interesting much, eh? Well to me it was really enlightening. Maybe because i was completely naive to it earlier.

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Jalebis anyone?! :P

Yayyyyyyyyy..! Yeehawww! That’s exactly what i screamed at the top of my voice last night…MUMBAI INDIANS WON!!! I jumped and jumped pumping my fist in air, screamed heartily and did my victory jig revealing exactly how ecstatic I was. I know, I know they didn’t win the IPL cup as yet and just a match. But who cares, ever heard of living the moment?! Yeah, that. Besides it’s about faith one has in one’s team and the way they win that matters. And hello, the victory indeed was sweet considering what all up jhelofy. I mean putting up with your dad, mom and grandma who have already accepted MI PALTAN will lose and with each ball they tease you and force you to accept the loss and be a sport…well, I had resorted to praying the bower suffers from diarrhoea. I mean that would have ensured that MI wins, I consoled my conscience saying all is fair in love and war and kept praying. Hmph. And I totally believe in ‘match is not lost until the last ball is bowled’ (am not sure about who said it, Kapil Dev was it?!). So i was watching with all my might, cheering them aloud (so what if I was watching it on tv, it helps. Well at least it calms my nerves). The end of match was sooooo interesting…nail biting right till the end. I envied all spectators at the stadium. Huh. So uhh last ball left, three runs required, fielders closing in and my fingers still have marks due to excessive biting they were subjected to in anxiety (i don’t bite nails, don’t have big nails either, so I bite my fingers when very nervous). Dad told me to change the channel as that would make the heart-break a little bearable. But me being me, i put on a brave face still maintaining that Mumbai will win. And boy what a win it was, the way Rohit hit the six…it was more like saying ‘that’s the way you do it baby’ to everyone else! What can I say, I loved it. Mumbai won baby, they won! And I was on cloud nine…on cloud 7 due to the win and rising two clouds above because dad had to go and get me jalebis at 12 at night adding sweetness to victory. That was my condition, if MI wins I get jalebis. I gorged on the yummy jalebis which I didn’t share with anyone, they all lost so no jalebi. Hah. I had the best sleep and i even dreamt of eating jalebis while cheering for MI at the stadium. Cricket and jalebis. Best combination ever.

Fajiti !!

Some days back i had a ‘come irritate me’ session at my house. It was a jam session by my little friends to prove that i am old, boring, useless and well ‘pichdi hui’. Basic motive being to insult and irritate me. Yeah! Trust my band of Stupids to end up convincing me that i am all of the above! Hmph!
I was busy reading a novel when my neighbour and friend, Ashu (in eleventh grade), came and smacked me on my head.
Me: why did you hit me? That’s no way to say hi. Huh. *smacks him on shoulder*
Ashu: Oh do you expect me to come and actually ‘hey’ you politely? Who does that? We are not old.
Me: Whatever Ashu, what do you want? Am reading so don’t disturb.
Ashu: You talk like my grandfather who gets irritated exactly like you when i ask him something while he is reading newspaper.
Me: *glares at him* Excuse me, no one likes to be interrupted while they are reading. It’s not about age. (look at the nerve of the kid, straight comparison with grandpa, i mean jeesh!)
Ashu: Which world do you stay in? I love it when anyone interrupts me in my studies, be it my maid. Not just me but my friends too. I need an opportunity to be disturbed, to take a break. Trust me naku (that’s what he calls me) you are getting old.
Me: *rolls eyes* Umm.. Look, you might like that because it’s not your favorite subject dude. This novel is pretty interesting.
Ashu: *touches my head to check if I have fever* You are losing it my friend. No subject is interesting compared to play station. And that novel is around 400 pages, I’ll faint if i ever have to read it.
Me: (i wanted to bang my head to wall for even trying to put sense in him) umm…yeah! So what brings you here anyway? (the earlier I get done with him, more the chances of me surviving with a fully working brain).
Ashu: See, you are getting old.
Me: *eyes wide with shock* what did I do now?
Ashu: only elders have a prior reason to meet people, i just came to irritate you like always. (he playfully slapped me. Yeah he is taller than me and he thinks that just because he is taller he can hit me, the fact that I am six years elder to him doesn’t matter).
Me: *pushes him hard* don’t hit me, it hurts. And i asked you the reason just incase you have forgotten it, you know the desire to irritate me taking over the real reason. (I had an urge to do a victory dance for throwing an insult at him but I merely smirked at him).
Ashu: Hahaha (he laughed like a madman).
Me: Care to share the joke?
Ashu: *still laughing* You.
Me: WHAT?!
Ashu: You are the joke. You think its tough for me to irritate you that I’ll desire for it? I can do it anytime. To me it’s as easy as sitting on a swing for a baby.
Me: *fuming* DON’T TALK TO ME!
Ashu: See how easy it is!
Me: *ignores and starts reading*
Ashu: You have new songs in your cell?
Me: You think I’ll give you, even if i have them?
Ashu: Are you saying you won’t?
Before I could answer, another neighbour ‘K’ (sixth grader) enters. Trust me if K wouldn’t have entered, we were heading for a wrestling match.
K: Hi di. Hi Ashu.
Me: Hi K. How are you?
Ashu: Oye, why din you like my latest DP on FB K?
Me: *stares with wide eyes*
K: You uploaded a new one after that aviators one? I didn’t notice.
Ashu: Yeah, just an hour back. Do check, like and comment.
Me: You just did that an hour back and you asked him like its been ages.
Ashu: You won’t get it, you have gone old. (both him and K laugh).
Me: *eyes wide like saucers* K, are you laughing at me?
K: No, no, no! He laughed, so mujhe hasi aa gayi.
Ashu: He is scared, but ask me, yeah he laughed ON you.
Me: *hits ashu hard on head with pillow*
K: Di, you still aren’t there on my FB friend list!
Me: yeah, you know its pretty boring to me…i don’t go much. Anyway send me a request, i’ll accept it.
Ashu: Naku’s getting old. La la la la la.
Me: Shuddaapp!
K: You have kept your DP na Di? Or else many will pop up in search!
Me: umm…yeah! No, it’s of my fav heroin.
K: Why don’t you have your own DP?!
Ashu: Naku’s getting old. La la la la la la (both laugh).
Me: Just like that, do you have your DP? I’ll find and send a request.
K: Ofcourse i have, I am holding a guitar…it has many likes.
Me: *awkward smile*
Ashu: It’s useless to add her K. She never ever likes or comments on any pic or status.
K: It will increase my number of friends at least.
Me: *watches them with my face a complete ‘O’ of shock’*
I go back to reading and thank God that they both start checking something on Ashu’s cell.
After few minutes, munchkin (my mom’s student, in third grade) enters.
Munchkin: Hi Di.
Me: Hi baby. *hugs her* you know you are my sweetest friend *gives a dirty look to Ashu and K*
Munchkin: Thank you! What are you reading?
Me: Aww. You are also smarter than many others you know (says it loudly). I am reading a book by Dan Brown.
Ashu: Munchkin, are you on FB?
Me: *looks daggers at him*
Munchkin: Yes. Yes i am on FB! I have my DP, just search my name and send me a request.
Me: *watches with jaw almost touching floor*
Ashu: Close your mouth and read your brownie ka book.
Me: Its Dan Brown you moron. Munchkin, you asked me about book na? Should i tell you about it?
Munchkin: Yeah, I wanted to ask ki till when will you complete it? When is your exam on it?
Ashu and K have laugh holding their stomach.
Me: It’s a novel baby, you know a story book. (sends a prayer to all Gods above to make her understand).
Munchkin: Oh! Don’t you forget what you read earlier as you move ahead?
Me: Umm…why don’t you go and study? *it’s just a bad day*
Munchkin: You know i talked to ‘G’ yesterday.
Me: err…he is in london darling!
Munchkin: So? I talked to him on FB!
Me: *stunned* you had a facebook chat with him? (i needed a confirmation that i heard it right)
Munchkin: Haan. Kya hua? You have never had a facebook chat kya? We can talk to people anywhere Di.
Ashu: Naku’s getting old. La la la la.
Me: *slaps Ashu* go and study munchkin.
Ashu’s mom calling his name from common passage.
Ashu: Shit! Naku, i need salt. Mom asked me to get it.
Me: WHAT?! I asked you but you…
Ashu: *cuts me half way* stop lecturing me oldie, give me salt.
Ashu’s mom enters.
Ashu’s mom: Ashu its been half hour, where is salt?
Ashu: I asked Naku but she din give it mom.
Me: No aunty, he just…
Ashu’s mom: Ohho! Pooja read the novel later no, and Ashu beta, pooja can’t cook and knows nothing about kitchen so how would she know anything about kitchen. So make sure you ask aunty (my mom) next time.
Ashu: Yes mom. Naku’s useless.
(At this point I seriously thought of checking my self in mirror for any indication on me that said ‘i am publicly available for any insult you need to throw, no offense will be taken and its FREE FREE FREE’)
Ashu’s mom: Pagal (waves dismissively at Ashu and leaves).
Ashu: *smacks my head and runs*
Me: *sits dumbfounded*