Fajiti !!

Some days back i had a ‘come irritate me’ session at my house. It was a jam session by my little friends to prove that i am old, boring, useless and well ‘pichdi hui’. Basic motive being to insult and irritate me. Yeah! Trust my band of Stupids to end up convincing me that i am all of the above! Hmph!
I was busy reading a novel when my neighbour and friend, Ashu (in eleventh grade), came and smacked me on my head.
Me: why did you hit me? That’s no way to say hi. Huh. *smacks him on shoulder*
Ashu: Oh do you expect me to come and actually ‘hey’ you politely? Who does that? We are not old.
Me: Whatever Ashu, what do you want? Am reading so don’t disturb.
Ashu: You talk like my grandfather who gets irritated exactly like you when i ask him something while he is reading newspaper.
Me: *glares at him* Excuse me, no one likes to be interrupted while they are reading. It’s not about age. (look at the nerve of the kid, straight comparison with grandpa, i mean jeesh!)
Ashu: Which world do you stay in? I love it when anyone interrupts me in my studies, be it my maid. Not just me but my friends too. I need an opportunity to be disturbed, to take a break. Trust me naku (that’s what he calls me) you are getting old.
Me: *rolls eyes* Umm.. Look, you might like that because it’s not your favorite subject dude. This novel is pretty interesting.
Ashu: *touches my head to check if I have fever* You are losing it my friend. No subject is interesting compared to play station. And that novel is around 400 pages, I’ll faint if i ever have to read it.
Me: (i wanted to bang my head to wall for even trying to put sense in him) umm…yeah! So what brings you here anyway? (the earlier I get done with him, more the chances of me surviving with a fully working brain).
Ashu: See, you are getting old.
Me: *eyes wide with shock* what did I do now?
Ashu: only elders have a prior reason to meet people, i just came to irritate you like always. (he playfully slapped me. Yeah he is taller than me and he thinks that just because he is taller he can hit me, the fact that I am six years elder to him doesn’t matter).
Me: *pushes him hard* don’t hit me, it hurts. And i asked you the reason just incase you have forgotten it, you know the desire to irritate me taking over the real reason. (I had an urge to do a victory dance for throwing an insult at him but I merely smirked at him).
Ashu: Hahaha (he laughed like a madman).
Me: Care to share the joke?
Ashu: *still laughing* You.
Me: WHAT?!
Ashu: You are the joke. You think its tough for me to irritate you that I’ll desire for it? I can do it anytime. To me it’s as easy as sitting on a swing for a baby.
Me: *fuming* DON’T TALK TO ME!
Ashu: See how easy it is!
Me: *ignores and starts reading*
Ashu: You have new songs in your cell?
Me: You think I’ll give you, even if i have them?
Ashu: Are you saying you won’t?
Before I could answer, another neighbour ‘K’ (sixth grader) enters. Trust me if K wouldn’t have entered, we were heading for a wrestling match.
K: Hi di. Hi Ashu.
Me: Hi K. How are you?
Ashu: Oye, why din you like my latest DP on FB K?
Me: *stares with wide eyes*
K: You uploaded a new one after that aviators one? I didn’t notice.
Ashu: Yeah, just an hour back. Do check, like and comment.
Me: You just did that an hour back and you asked him like its been ages.
Ashu: You won’t get it, you have gone old. (both him and K laugh).
Me: *eyes wide like saucers* K, are you laughing at me?
K: No, no, no! He laughed, so mujhe hasi aa gayi.
Ashu: He is scared, but ask me, yeah he laughed ON you.
Me: *hits ashu hard on head with pillow*
K: Di, you still aren’t there on my FB friend list!
Me: yeah, you know its pretty boring to me…i don’t go much. Anyway send me a request, i’ll accept it.
Ashu: Naku’s getting old. La la la la la.
Me: Shuddaapp!
K: You have kept your DP na Di? Or else many will pop up in search!
Me: umm…yeah! No, it’s of my fav heroin.
K: Why don’t you have your own DP?!
Ashu: Naku’s getting old. La la la la la la (both laugh).
Me: Just like that, do you have your DP? I’ll find and send a request.
K: Ofcourse i have, I am holding a guitar…it has many likes.
Me: *awkward smile*
Ashu: It’s useless to add her K. She never ever likes or comments on any pic or status.
K: It will increase my number of friends at least.
Me: *watches them with my face a complete ‘O’ of shock’*
I go back to reading and thank God that they both start checking something on Ashu’s cell.
After few minutes, munchkin (my mom’s student, in third grade) enters.
Munchkin: Hi Di.
Me: Hi baby. *hugs her* you know you are my sweetest friend *gives a dirty look to Ashu and K*
Munchkin: Thank you! What are you reading?
Me: Aww. You are also smarter than many others you know (says it loudly). I am reading a book by Dan Brown.
Ashu: Munchkin, are you on FB?
Me: *looks daggers at him*
Munchkin: Yes. Yes i am on FB! I have my DP, just search my name and send me a request.
Me: *watches with jaw almost touching floor*
Ashu: Close your mouth and read your brownie ka book.
Me: Its Dan Brown you moron. Munchkin, you asked me about book na? Should i tell you about it?
Munchkin: Yeah, I wanted to ask ki till when will you complete it? When is your exam on it?
Ashu and K have laugh holding their stomach.
Me: It’s a novel baby, you know a story book. (sends a prayer to all Gods above to make her understand).
Munchkin: Oh! Don’t you forget what you read earlier as you move ahead?
Me: Umm…why don’t you go and study? *it’s just a bad day*
Munchkin: You know i talked to ‘G’ yesterday.
Me: err…he is in london darling!
Munchkin: So? I talked to him on FB!
Me: *stunned* you had a facebook chat with him? (i needed a confirmation that i heard it right)
Munchkin: Haan. Kya hua? You have never had a facebook chat kya? We can talk to people anywhere Di.
Ashu: Naku’s getting old. La la la la.
Me: *slaps Ashu* go and study munchkin.
Ashu’s mom calling his name from common passage.
Ashu: Shit! Naku, i need salt. Mom asked me to get it.
Me: WHAT?! I asked you but you…
Ashu: *cuts me half way* stop lecturing me oldie, give me salt.
Ashu’s mom enters.
Ashu’s mom: Ashu its been half hour, where is salt?
Ashu: I asked Naku but she din give it mom.
Me: No aunty, he just…
Ashu’s mom: Ohho! Pooja read the novel later no, and Ashu beta, pooja can’t cook and knows nothing about kitchen so how would she know anything about kitchen. So make sure you ask aunty (my mom) next time.
Ashu: Yes mom. Naku’s useless.
(At this point I seriously thought of checking my self in mirror for any indication on me that said ‘i am publicly available for any insult you need to throw, no offense will be taken and its FREE FREE FREE’)
Ashu’s mom: Pagal (waves dismissively at Ashu and leaves).
Ashu: *smacks my head and runs*
Me: *sits dumbfounded*

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