To all the tyrannical, sadistic and sexist pricks in India:
Here is heartfelt THANKYOU!
-Thankyou for a yet another spine chilling incident proving exactly how low you can stoop, redefining the new levels in the same (as if earlier incidents weren’t enough!)
-Thankyou for making it amply clear that it is autocracy that you want in all things and if I resist, I’ll be forced.
-Thankyou for proving yet again that it indeed is you who wears the pants amongst us, although all you have in that sick, filthy mind of yours is to keep them off!
-Thankyou for an alarming reminder that I must not retaliate the jibe you make at me, however filthy it maybe. I should take it as your right that you have on me and any interference or opposition to it might bruise that oh-so-motherly-pampered ego of yours making you angry, which ofcourse I can’t afford.
-Thanks to you that I cannot wear the clothes I desire as I might end up provoking your mighty self (so what if you have been generous enough to give us various examples of your obnoxious behaviour on Saree or burkha clad women, I still must not dare).
-If not for you I would not be home safe and early prohibited from all late night parties. Thankyou so much.
-Thankyou for warning me that I better walk with my head bowed down, voice muted while am walking past you, for you might notice me otherwise. I mean who else should be cautious and accountable for your mood, your highness (as if this can stop you!).
-Thanks to you that my entire family is scared all the time I am out from my house.
-Thankyou for instilling the fear in me that if you, after all the precautions, end up doing what you intend, even my family might think that it somehow was my fault.
-At last thanks to you that I, inspite of being in a democratic and free country, am caught in the shackles of fear, pressure and restrictions hampering my movements at every step.
I guess it’s all my fault that I believed that you and me are equals, we both have same rights, we both are on same level. How could I have been that foolish? Thinking to be your equal. Equal of someone with such evil and corrupt thoughts and actions. Sorry. I simply can’t equal you.
A feeble, forced, meant to be used submissive.
There have been a lot of things that are happening around me. Too many changes, some making an impact and some unnoticed. My filmy self has also imagined that I am the only one walking in slow motion and everyone and everything around in fast forward. Courtesy, Aamir sir in Dil Chahta Hai. Either I am too laid back to match up or they are way faster than I can imagine. If left to me, I really don’t even feel like running around them or with them or even after them. I don’t wish to run this race to be ahead, to get everything. But sometimes you’ve got to do things to make others happy and I don’t miss a single chance to spread happiness. And I hate it when I fail to do what I had intended, ofcourse who likes it anyway.
What can be worst part about failure? Everything. Yep that’s what popped in my mind. But what can be worst in worst? (God, I just made failure sound like a dead-end). Uhh, I can place my point by using someone else’s statement. Lately there was an interview of Yuvraj Singh about his survival through cancer. And he was asked what’s the worst part of it. He answered ‘it’s the sympathy people show towards you’. So true is that. If we all think failure is just a road block, why create a fuss about it? Your words of consolation, a formality, crushes a person’s mind more than the failure. Frankly I don’t know how to really talk to someone who has failed, I want to tell them it’s okay, like really okay, to fail. But honestly having heard that from others when I failed, in my mind I was like ‘let’s switch places if it’s really that okay’. Since I have been at both sides I really know that the last thing needed is consolation. Encouragement, motivation, faith is what’s needed to move past that road block. Above all this, what’s needed is being normal. Constantly bringing up what went wrong won’t help, it’s past. And I have been blessed with such superb souls who have guided me through it so effectively. A big thankyou to you all.
And please don’t judge anyone, no one wants to fail. Those judgements, comments, reminders are like a stake being sliced through a person’s confidence. And lack of confidence can be the biggest hindrance on someone’s way up. We all have heard the quote ‘if u fall, pick something up’. But in this perfectly rushing world one has got to be strong-willed and patient. People besides you will keep moving in full force not sparing you a glance, they might even notice you limping but the race for some is too important to stop and help. And those who do, are the one’s you need to cherish. Smile, be happy and try again for those who love you, for yourself. As for others, nadaan hain…jaane do 😉 😉
Have you ever felt pressure? Immense pressure. Like really really immense? Almost like a pressure cooker whistling away indicating its high pressure but is still kept on gas, maybe intentionally. Or like a person who went underwater for a dive but is kept in by people. It’s like people know cooker will blast due to over heating or the person will die underwater but they don’t back off. Not until that last moment I guess. Kyun be? Sharam karo, sharam. Bacchi ki jaan loge kya?
Some people don’t pressurize you intentionally. Sometimes it’s just the mood or situation you are in that you feel pressurized by anything and everything. A mere good luck seems heavily loaded with pressure. This is exactly how I am feeling right now. Have reached a point where even distractions aren’t helping. Feeling like a hungry kid who’s attention is at the chocolate kept far away inspite of the various toys kept in front of him. And this heartbeat has become a full speedily driven ferrari from a meager maruti 800. Dhak dhak dhak dhak, wondering if the people around me can hear it too. If not, they are deaf because it’s unbelievably loud to me. The worst thing about me in pressure is that it shows on my exterior too. Oh how I want to hide this, not because i want to put a brave front or anything (i mean yaa that too, but that’s secondary), it’s because people keep on asking ‘are you tensed? Pressurized?’. Aye aye captain obvious. I agree they ask for my benefit but it just worsens the situation and piles on the pressure! And time passes like a tortoise who is sleepy. Yep, that slow.
I have absolutely no idea why I wrote this. Blame it on the pressure. But the number of times I have used pressure in this shows how pressurized I am. Hmph. I feel just a push away from that blast.
Few days back i got a message from one of my best buddies. In that message he asked me a weird question. Okay, not weird, but definitely unusual. Okay, so anyway the question being ‘How do we stop expecting from others?’. I was at loss of thoughts. Maybe because it was so unexpected. And i had an inkling that it was an indirect hint (ouch!). I asked him ‘who others?’ and phack came the reply ‘close friends’ (confirmed)!! The first thought that came to me was that i have loads to apologise for. Hmph. And the first answer that came to my mind was that we really cant stop expecting. I mean even stopping to expect from others is an expectation from one’s ownself. But ofcourse he wasn’t talking about expectations in general but from close friends.
And i was like can we really stop expecting? As per me, not really. To me, expecting from people around is as easy and natural as breathing. We can certainly reduce and control our expectations but stopping them completely will end up being a futile attempt. No harm in trying though. I would rather prefer trying to guard oneself from the hurt if expectations aren’t fulfilled than not expecting at all. That can be comparatively easy. Try and prepare yourself that maybe the expectation is too much, maybe it won’t be fulfilled. That way it wont hurt, not as much atleast.
I expect shahid kapoor to deliver a super hit everytime his movie releases at box office. Now this doesn’t always happen. I get a little disappointed. I whine and crib over it. But i don’t drag it and certainly don’t keep a grudge over it like forever. I know everyone must be thinking i am mad to be comparing expectations from Shahid Kapoor to that from a close friend. But that effectively is my point. Just because the friend is close to us, it isn’t fair to burden them with expectations. Shouldn’t it be the other way around? They are close to us, so aren’t we expected to be more understanding. This doesn’t mean ki let them do whatever they want, no! We don’t aim at achieving sainthood, do we?! It’s our right to correct them, shout at them, get upset with them when they are wrong. But don’t hold a grudge, definitely not because something we expected didn’t happen, it’s not worth it. When expecting something, have a broad mind that it might not be fulfilled. It makes things easier, relations strong and saves us the hurt too.
Now, what when even the simplest of expectations aren’t fulfilled? That’s when it hurts the most and the hurt is justified too. Simple expectation tha, ye bhi nahi hua uss se, hmph. That’s what we think, right?! I actually was a little intrigued that why does it hurt so much, specially when even i do the same mistakes. And i did get the answer. It’s because we easily believe the negative thoughts. Be it about ourselves or others, we just believe them easily. When something isn’t going our way, instead of believing the possibility that there might be a genuine reason, we believe that it was done on purpose. Our minds are so corrupt that they refuse to accept the positive in other person. And that is one of the major causes for most of our problems. Let me give you an example, Aamir’s show Satyameva Jayate. So much is being talked about it. And mostly all people and media are finding faults in it. Why? Cant we accept that it’s a genuine effort? The point that Aamir wants to earn from this is easily acceptable to our mind. Why? Maybe because we think that since we haven’t tried any social good, why would he, there definitely is a selfish motive why he is doing this. Shameful. Forget helping him, we are degrading him. Simply proves that we easily believe bad about others.
Try and believe the best in every person and you might end up feeling good and happy. I haven’t achieved this yet, but i am trying. And i do intend to implement it completely.