The latest bunch of sweet scoldings I have been getting from my mom include (frequently) that my priorities aren’t set. And yesterday I happened to ponder over it! It was then that it occurred to me that she didn’t say I have got my priorities wrong but she said I have not got them set, at all (Oh no!)! It was true. Lately, I have been going with the flow, without paying much thought to what I am doing. This has cost me to miss on many things which were important, very important. I would have loved them but I didn’t even think of doing them because I always had something else up my sleeve, something trivial and absolutely baseless! It’s a horrible feeling you know, realizing how incorrect my choices have been. I totally feel like Johanna Mitchell when she realised she has become a plastic too! Or maybe like Geet when she finally realises she loves Aditya (okay, maybe not that life altering realisation but then main paida hi filmy hui thi :D) And seriously, no one (not even you) would bother about the reasons behind it! You know how you mess things up just because you were ignorant! I am sure many of you would empathize. What’s worse is that, right now, all around me people have got it all right or at least so it seems (oh yeah, I do find condolence in mass mess :P) . I told my mom that I should have done these other things and after a small I-told-you-so monologue she chided me saying it is okay being reckless at times (this is added just to emphasize that I have the coolest mom EVER!). I don’t regret my choices but I wanted to do those other things too! It’s tough, this life. I have had too much liberty and that’s wrong. Basically, I have a default set up which involves being fundamentally correct (not 100%, but you know what I mean) and trust me it irks to be so. I have tried to zone it out, it strikes back with vengeance! Needless to say I am in redemption phase and putting it out here somehow makes it official and binds me to it!
Thank you for brilliance that is Hazel Grace Lancaster! Thank you for giving me a character that is insecure yet a fighter! For some, it was stupid how Hazel wanted to go all the way to Amsterdam to know the end of a novel. It was not just a end of novel for her. She wanted to know what becomes of those who were related to Anna and through which she wanted an assurance that her parents would be fine after her death and no it’s not stupid. I don’t think it was even remotely stupid. Hazel was a simple girl who knew she was dying and wanted to know that her mom and dad would be okay! All she needed was an assurance and because the author wrote like he understood her like no one else, she sought assurance from him. If (not when!) I were to die I would obviously want to know what will happen to my family! Honestly, I have pondered over it quite a few times! And maybe so, I understand that Hazel wanted an assurance that her mom won’t stop being mom, that her emotional dad won’t breakdown, that her mom and dad are going to be okay, that they won’t crumble down in grief! She is the centre of their universe, she loved them, it was only natural that she wanted to look out for them. I am not being a cynic thinking about deaths but we all know it is inevitable and uncertain! For my parents, I occupy almost 90% of their life! So I have all the right to defend and love and admire and relate to Hazel! We don’t know what awaits us in our afterlife, whether there is an afterlife at all but what we do know is that we will leave a life, a life that had people who love you. No please don’t say, deaths happen, people move on. Maybe everyone else will move on, parents don’t. Not that easily anyway! So yeah, no Hazel Grace Lancaster was not stupid, she was a silly ordinary girl like me looking out for her parents and if you find that stupid, your loss!