Down but not out!

​Do you use your phone a lot? I am going to assume all of you said yes. Well, I do! A lot? Maybe. That’s subjective. I don’t use it or feel like using it when I am working. But otherwise, I do. The point here isn’t usage of phone but if it indicates something. What if I use my phone a lot? Does that make me liable to put up with innuendos coming my way? Is that a sufficient indicator for anyone to assume that it is one special person I am texting? We all love assuming, it’s easy and quick. Why ask or analyze, when we can assume!! People assume I am seeing someone, I assumed at the start of this post that you all use phone a lot, KRK assumed that he moving his body awkwardly on beat pe booty was dancing. It’s just too easy to resist. Though even that is not the point. I stray away from the point a lot, sorry! So about this assumption, I have been told I don’t defend when accused about this one. So here it is, my defense. Loud, clear and public enough for all to read. No, I am not texting one particular guy. No, I am not seeing someone. I am not the type of person anyone can easily be with, I am a mess. I thought we had that already established. I have too many flaws. We all do, but maybe mine are slightly more and that makes me an invalid choice. Am I self depreciating? Not at all. I am working on being what I want, if someone likes that he will let me know. Has that happened yet? No. Still too flawed for anyone to genuinely care. Here I am struggling to be a good daughter, forget embracing other commitments. Being single is my choice. Is that choice easy? Hell no. There are so many stupid things I want to do and can’t because sometimes it’s just not possible to do it alone. That’s when I question my choice the most. People cry to sleep for their unrequited love, I do too. For every wish I couldn’t fulfill because there is absence of a certain person in my life. I know about soulmates, I know it can happen. I have read/seen enough fiction to know that. Fact is, it hasn’t. So when the sun comes up, I wake up and realize I was being stupid thinking all that shit and make the choice to be single, again. I question that choice so many times. But I stick to it, because the alternative is still scary and far fetched for me. As to why didn’t I defend it when accused or teased? I thought my choice was clear for all. A simple texting bout with someone isn’t going to change my decision. I put up a strong front, doesn’t mean I am not vulnerable or struggling. So no, I did not defend because it is embarrassing sometimes to tell that you aren’t texting your boyfriend but just discussing a fiction with a friend and most importantly because that just made me question my choice more. It made me make the choice to be single all over again, and I still chose it.

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