Snippets from my diary!

Are you proud of me? Proud of how I have turned out to be? Don’t say yes just because you love me. You’d love me anyway, because you are good. But please be honest, am I good? Am I good enough? I don’t usually need validation. Not like this, anyway. But I have been wondering, how is it all turning out? Am I doing it right? I need to make amends if i am not. Or is it too late? Am I a good person? I hope I haven’t become that stupid girl who is too forward? Or that lame girl who is orthodoxically anti social? Maybe that heartless girl who doesn’t feel a thing about love? I have been called each at some point. Am I independent enough? I still haven’t learned to help mom, I am trying. Am I right in staying back late at work? Am I correct when I work too hard even if I am mocked about it? I might not be reaping the benefits equivalent to my hard work, is that alright? Is it okay to be scared of things but still do them not knowing conclusions? Does crying to sleep on bad days make me weak? Does having very few friends mean I am unlikable? What do I do about my trust issues? Oh, I think there are no genuine guys around, that can’t be true right? What am I doing incorrect to be attracting all wrong ones? Is there really a frog who’ll show up? How unrealistic am I to be dreaming about going to NewYork alone? Do you think I can? I have a bad feeling about someone irrelevant, why doesn’t it go away? About that stupid thing, why isn’t Karma working fast? Why don’t I remember my dreams? Why are the parts that I do so weird? No body talks about philosophy these days, its all I think about. What do you have to say about it? I have an insatiable urge to be exploring everything new, is that wrong for a girl? They look at me like it is. I still don’t talk about things that hurt me, when will I be forgiving enough to do that? ‘You are too loud and crass’, what do I tell them back? I am not their go to person these days, is it okay if I still hope and wait?

Also, I have decided not to change yet, hope that’s okay?!


2 thoughts on “Snippets from my diary!

  1. This post is so related to me. Sometimes my diary speaks the same, I look back, think a while, flash all memories, rewind it, and then I feel an urge to note it down. I feel like introspecting my own deeds, but its gone. I feel I am standing at a seashore and time is just slipping away !

    • Wow! That is so well put Masoom! I am happy to know you relate to it! And if you feel even an ounce of improvement in your deeds, that is motivation enough to keep at it!

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