Heart with a mind of its own!

Desirous, treacherous, vicious heart. Why did you hope or this would never start?

Caged with tall fences around, still you peeped into that beautiful soul. This is preposterous, I want to cry foul.

Now, this heathen heart wants to abandon me for him? Oh but he won’t accept you, for you, my heart, are too dim.

Unbidden and clueless, if this is how you had to fall. Why did I even guard you at all?

You cry and bleed, I feel the pain. Oh yes! How lovely it is to be this insane.

Squirm all you want my heart, in this unpleasant gloom, then you have to get back in the cage before the impending doom.

Don’t flutter or hope without cause, never again on my sleeve you will pause.

Love, you must, but please do not hope. Consequences of that are ill fated, so nope.

Now we both are in complete and utter despair, oh was it worth it, all that fanfare?

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It’s all about love…NOT!

We all need love. When it comes to love, we all are end consumers. People say it’s love what we live for. We seek love, in any form. So did she.
He gave her attention, she loved it. He pampered her, she cherished it. He complimented her, she accepted it. He was like an addiction, she got addicted to it. He was the flame, she was the moth. He demanded, she refused. He changed, she ignored. He was rude, she ignored. He fought, she made up. She confronted, he shouted. She was upset, he ignored. She stopped talking, he didn’t care. End of story.
When life isn’t all roses, we hold on to the only rose we see with all our might. Even if it is full of thorns. Only to realise later, it isn’t even ours. We can’t see the truth because the lie soothed us or maybe we don’t want to see it. We choose to ignore the obvious signs of it all being a deceit with a hope it might turn good. It’s true, sometimes addiction, even to humans, is so strong that knowing they are wrong, bad, not worth it, we still can’t shun them. Don’t give in to the temptation, don’t fall for the cover. I suggest you share, whenever in such dilemma, share. Tell your friends. Take their advice, their help. Overcome the addiction. Difficult but not at all impossible. Know that you deserve better. And to all leeches playing with other person’s emotions, karma is a bitch. Wait till it attacks you.
But something to ponder. Who’s at fault here? Girl who couldn’t gauge the guy’s lousy treacherous character or the guy who tried to misuse a girl’s innocence and plight?

Happy Women’s Day!

Today is women’s day. A day to celebrate, the larger than life, womanhood! I always think why do we need women’s day?? I mean I preach equality, so then why this?! Why not a men’s day as well. Better give us the equal status daily, that’d be much better than this one day. Lets face it, you cannot just thank us in one day 😛 But then I realized that it’s a very pessimistic approach with which I was looking at it. And then I thought over why would it be so grandly celebrated globally. A little pondering gave me a satisfying answer. Precisely saying, we women are special! Way special. Special because of our compassion. It’s said, a women has love running through her veins not blood. It’s only a women who’ll love you inspite of your flaws, faults, who’ll not be credited but would still do all the work anyway, who’ll love not only her own but other children as well, who’ll cry at the movie but be strong emotional pillar of the family, who’ll demand bargain in everything except love. Darn, such qualities do demand for special day! So I wish to every women I know, a very Happy Women’s Day!
What i’d also like is to address all men.

To the people from mars,

Hi! I’d like to chuck the pleasantries and get straight to the point. Have you ever imagined how you’d survive a single day without the women of your life? You think it’d be easy? I bet no! I think major of you, while you read that question would have thought ‘yeah, people from venus keep reminding us about how important they are’! Now now, can we help it? That’s how lame-headed you people are, you always need reminders and heavy duty lectures to realise our value! You think you work hard? Imagine coming home from a supposedly tough job and heading straight to cooking dinner for your family! Daily! Isn’t that tougher? My mom does just that! And mind you, she’s a teacher…a job so tiring you can only imagine! To manage a class full of students is way tougher than your air conditioned brain storming sessions at office. And still I’ve never heard her saying ‘i am not going to cook today’! Yes, she gets irritated at times. Who wouldn’t?! Hell, I would throw a hundred tantrums if in her place! So just stop giving the ever-so-shitty excuse of your job for not helping your mom, sister, wife! If you go through your day smoothly, it’s because of the women in your life. We women have a general tendency to lean on you. It’s not like we can’t do stuff but we love it when you people do it for us. It’s not our weakness but our natural inclination for your support. We love it when you praise us, we love it even more when you are praised by others. That’s how we are! I can simply go on to write pages about how much more ‘cooler’ we women are than you but you probably already know that! It’s time you make us feel special every day, because that’s what we are, special!

Thankyou, people from venus!

Iss pyaar ko kya naam dun?!

Okay this is my first attempt at writing fiction. I have had this thought for sometime now and i finally have penned it, really dont know how it’s turned out to be. Nervous and anxious. Here it is:

He was there, yet again. It almost seemed like his feet dragged him there on their own accord. Not that he wanted otherwise, there is no chance he would ever want it to be otherwise. If left to him he wouldn’t leave this place ever. For it’s here that he felt alive, rest of the time he merely existed. It’s here that his heart breathes and smiles. His heart? No. Not his. Her heart, yes her heart that breathes within him. His heart surrendered itself to her the day she fell in his arms, now unwanted and disturbing for her, who probably hates it. No, she can never hate it, he thought with a frown. How he wished she would hate him, his heart. As he thought this, a bitter smile made its way to his face. He wanted her to hate him but the sadist in him was still smug about her inability to do so. Pushing these thoughts aside he entered the small house. Breathing in the air which to him was different than anywhere else, the air had her presence and he revelled in it. The house was just the way it was when she left a year ago. Left him, all alone. He made sure that it was well kept, yet undisturbed. As if preserving her presence, that was the least he could do. He put on the switch and with the lights came the gush of memories, sweet ones, their dance, her teasing him, she feeding him, defending him. And the bitter ones, he accusing her, not trusting her, degrading her, questioning her character. Blinking back the tears that were threatening to fall he moved towards the backyard that now to him seemed heaven, maybe because she loved being here, sitting with her sister, sipping her tea or merely standing here gazing at the stars. Not just stars, her parents. She loved talking to them, complaining sometimes. “Baat sach aur jhoot ki nahi, vishwas ki hai” her words echoed through his mind. Words which were so simply yet sincerely stated that he had believed her that even his parents like her’s are stars now, always watching over him. They might be hating him too, he thought bitterly. That’s what he deserves after all that he has done. He stared up at the sky trying to locate four brightest stars, to ask for forgiveness. Somehow this made him feel closer and connected to her. Maybe she was talking to them too, right now. It was a routine for him, to come here and ask for the forgiveness which he knew he didn’t deserve. They might forgive him, he’ll never forgive himself. And so he hadn’t tried to stop her, how could he? He didn’t deserve her, she deserved better, much better. His heart lurched at the thought of her being with someone else. And so he had never tried to know where she went or to convince her to come back, this was his punishment. To stay without the love he longed for. Clearing his mind he stared at the sky. It was dark, with no stars and not even faintest of light indicating presence of moon…almost depicting the state of his heart. Even their parents didn’t want to hear his apology today. He sank down on the cot closing his eyes as the pain in the heart became unbearable and a lone tear managed to escape his eyes. “Khushi” he whispered almost knowing she will hear it and in some way help him ease his pain. He opened his eyes hoping to see her once. Nothing. Would he ever give up the hope of getting her back? He didn’t know. He won’t, he thought a second later. Still failing to locate the stars he got up with a heavy heart when something twinkling caught his sight. It was at the far end of the backyard, on the floor. Something shining in the little moon light that somehow escaped from the otherwise clouded sky. He made his way towards it. Bending down he picked the shining thing and a huge lump formed in his throat. Stars, Khushi’s stars. The one’s she hanged over bed so she could feel close to her parents, the one’s she wanted to gift him, the one’s he had mercilessly thrown on her face. Khushi had yet again tried to take his pain away. He could, for today, ask forgiveness from these stars. It was all about belief, after all. And they have guarded Khushi all her life. Khushi, still didn’t fail to answer him in her own way whenever he called her, he thought as the tears finally made their way and he sobbed bitterly holding the stars close to him as if his life depended on them, as if he were holding Khushi, his Khushi

Happy Valentine’s :) :)

My romantic-self will be deeply hurt if I resist posting today. There will be numerous posts, some happy about Valentine’s Day, some sad, some supporting it, some opposing it. For me it’s an opportunity to celebrate love. And no opportunity to celebrate love should go waste. None at all. I know people say that everyday should be celebrated as a Vday. But our busy lives won’t let us, so this day gives us a chance to make up for all those times we could not give our loved ones the attention they deserved. I seriously don’t know what exactly do I post because I have never had a valentine on Valentine’s Day. So I can only imagine what can happen. Of course even friends can celebrate it but that’s totally different. I personally believe this day is for the one you love and wish to grow old with and we all have that soul mate destined for us (big believer in the above mentioned fact just like Madhuri from Dil Toh Pagal Hai). Since I haven’t met mine I don’t know how it feels. But then I can at least pass a message to him through this post that please make it quick 😀 I mean who knows, he might be reading this 🙂 🙂
I would also share a sweet incident. My munchkin (age 10) has her own definition of Valentine’s Day. I was talking to mom about VDay plans, she comes and asks what we were discussing. I told her it’s about Vday and I’ll explain her later. She pulled me down to her height and told ‘I know what that is, you need not explain’. I was too shocked at being pulled already and it looked like she won’t let me go till she proved that she knows. So I asked her ‘What’s it about?’. ‘It’s the Day on which Mom gifts Dad and Dad gifts mom’ she answered, proud of herself. I couldn’t help but smile at the innocent answer she had given. The smile was short-lived. The next question she asked turned smile into shock. She questioned me why was I making Vday plans because she was sure that I had no husband. I thought of explaining her what all exactly Vday meant but then thought better off it. She will know it soon going by the maturity she already has, so why spoil her innocence?! 🙂 🙂

Interesting Read !!

I am posting a few dialogues from books and some series i have seen that i found pretty interesting, emotional and worth reading 🙂 🙂

From the movie If Only:
Samantha on being asked what would she do if it was her last day on earth:
I’d spend it with you.
Just being together. Like now.
A closeness. An intense closeness. Really sharing things with each other. Silly things. Difficult things. That’s what I’ve always wanted for us, and if we could have that…nothing could hurt us.

From the movie A Walk To Remember:
When Landon asks Jamie if she would help her:
Jamie: You have to promise you won’t fall in love with me.
Landon: That’s not a problem.

Landon reading a quote from Jamie’s mom’s self compiled book:
Landon: “Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful.”

From The Vampire Diaries S01E01:
Elena (who has lost both her parents) writes her diary:
Dear diary, today will be different. It has to be. I will smile, and it will be believable. My smile will say “I’m fine, thank you.” “Yes, I feel much better.” I will no longer be the sad little girl who lost her parents. I will start fresh, be someone new. It’s the only way I’ll make it through.

From the movie The Notebook:
[His last letter to Allie]
My Dearest Allie. I couldn’t sleep last night because I know that it’s over between us. I’m not bitter any more, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I’ll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I’ll be seeing you. Noah.

From the movie The Shawshank Redemption:
Andy Dufresne: That’s the beauty of music. They can’t get that from you… Haven’t you ever felt that way about music?
Red: I played a mean harmonica as a younger man. Lost interest in it though. Didn’t make much sense in here.
Andy Dufresne: Here’s where it makes the most sense. You need it so you don’t forget.
Red: Forget?
Andy Dufresne: Forget that… there are places in this world that aren’t made out of stone. That there’s something inside… that they can’t get to, that they can’t touch. That’s yours.
Red: What’re you talking about?
Andy Dufresne: Hope.

From the movie Chak De, India:
Coach Kabir: “Aaj Pehli Baar Dekh Raha Hoon Kisi gore Ko Tiranga Pehrate Hue”

From the movie Mujhse Fraaandship Karoge:
Preeti explaining Vishal that she accidentally fell in love with him: You know its ok, tumhari galati nahi hai. Tumne bhi wahi kia jo maine kia. Maine aise hi party mein bina soche samjhe over react kar dia. Its just that mein, I fell for you. Tumse pyaar kar baithi. Dont worry tumhari galati nahi hai, it’s just me. Obviously tum Malvika se pyaar karte ho, kon nahi karta?! And you know me, Stupid Mogambee!! Aadhi cheezen mein aisehi bina soche samjhe karti hun, ab ye pyaar shyaar bhi..asehi. Without thinking. So basically mein ye keh rahi hun, don’t stress and just ignore everything. I’ll get over it. Meri problem hai, I’ll deal with it.Are we cool? Chill

While presenting an AV of 25 Love stories at College Annual day:
Preeti: Kisiko ek pal mein pyaar hogaya, kisiko teen saal lag gaye. Kisine jhat se dil ki baat bol di, kisine kuch nahi bola. Bas aakhon se keh dia jo kehna tha.Back then, they knew how to love. Yaa dil ki baat kaise kehte hain, woh toh unhe aata tha. That is why some love stories are forever. Lets watch it through this AV.

Vishal (interrupting the AV): You are right. Unn dino internet nahi tha na. No SMS, Short Messaging Service. In short, kaise aap woh hazar baatein kahoge jo aapka dil kehna chahta hai? Ek smiley mein kahan woh baat hai jo class ke across uski aakhon mein dekhkar smile karne mein hai? Log pehle teachers, parents yaa dusre students se chipkar pyaar karte the, lekin aajkal toh ek dusre se chipkar pyaar karte hain. Library shelves aur pedon ke peeche saath saath chupne ke bajaye, aajkal log ek dusre ke saamne hokar bhi computer screen ke peeche chup jaate hain. Internet connection ki speed se pyaar hota hai aur utni hi asaani se logout bhi hojata hai. I mean think about it, kaise kisiki clever bio line ya uski Display Picture se kisiko pyaar ho sakta hai? Pyaar toh kisi saans leti, ladti, jhagadti, gussa hoti, complex, complicated, sweet, idiotic si kisi pretty amazing si ladki se hota hai. Yes friends, ek 26th Love Story bhi hai, par uske liye sirf Fraaandship request se kaam nahi chalega. Uske liye toh aakhon mein aakhen dalke, sar jhuka ke, ghutne pe girke sach bolna padta hai.
Mere dil, jigar, liver mein ho tum,
wakt, bewakt aaya hua fever ho tum,
ab toh meri life mein, forever ho tum.

Being Fangirl!

Is it childish that I still fangirl everything I like and with hardcore dedication?! But anyway who cares? I love it. If I see something and like it, then there is no stopping me. I see only positives in it. My choice might not seem perfect, but it’s perfect to me. My favorites may appear absolutely stupid, lame, idiotic to you but I love them. I just adore fangirling stuff. I am the types who would want to watch their favorite actor’s movie ‘First Day First Show’. It makes me prove my loyalty towards them 😀 😀 It might be kiddish but if it makes me happy, I guess anything else should not matter 🙂
Be it Shahid Kapoor, Twilight series, The Vampire Diaries, Iss Pyaar Ko Kya Naam Dun, Sarabhai vs Sarabhai, Yuvraj Singh, Feddy, Nicholas Sparks and etc etc etc. I love them all. They don’t perform like the bestest always, but then who does? When they do bad, as a fan it hurts me and one confession, I even stupidly pray sometimes that they should do good 😀 There are things I hate too, I even rant about it sometimes but I try very hard to avoid ranting as it might be someone else’s favorite. If I hate people hating my choice, I’d rather not do that to others. And by no means do I wish to meet any of them. I love their personality, the charm and the character they play. No idea of the type of person they are but at their job, me loves them. As far as the sports players are concerned, I really wish to watch them play in real. Wooo. Super fun. I have even done that and the feeling to watch them win is surreal. The hurt you feel when the one you like is booed, is very bad.
I love to talk about shows, movies and books I read. I love to get opinions and views and share mine. I can never ever get bored with it 😀 And this can’t be abnormal because I know many people (some even crazier than me) who can go to any limit for their favorites 😀 For the celebs, writers, sportsperson it must be an awesome feeling to have such big and caring Fandom 😀 That is one feeling I would love to experience 😛 Not for a long time though, because along with care comes responsibility to fulfill expectations. It’s important for them to keep the belief people have in them alive. And I respect my favorites for being so graceful in handling success 🙂
So I can say I am the kind who collects pictures, makes videos, hangs posters of people I love and proudly so 🙂 🙂 🙂

An unfulfilled wish!!

My mom wanted a boy when she was expecting me. And so did my dad. They were also firm about having only one child. And no it’s not because they felt that a boy child is better. It was just a sweet wish with no bias whatsoever. And the very fact that i am the only child proves that they had no apprehensions about girl child. Mom says they both were very happy when i was born and seeing me the decision to not have another child only got firmer because they wanted to devote all of their attention and time in giving me the best of a life. I am proud enough to say that they indeed have given me best of everything, be it values, gifts, education, freedom and love. Me boasting about my parents is not new. I can’t imagine my up bringing in a better way. But that’s another story for another day. What i have been recently speculating is their decision to not have another child.
I have missed absolutely no chance of boasting that am the only child and its a boon. I have never had to share anything with anyone or didn’t get the new one because my sibling had that thing and i can use it. I quite like it this way. But what i like the most is that i have undivided love of my parents. I am a very possessive kind of person when it comes to those i adore. So having my parents all by myself is the best thing. But there is no denying that at times i have questioned my parents that why didn’t they have another kid, it would have been fun. Mom just laughs it off. But recently i have realized that there are more cons of not having a sibling than pros. It would have been awesome to have a younger sibling or even older for that matter.
All my friends have siblings. All of them. It’s awesome to hear about the fights, pranks, arguments, fun they have with each other. Its only other day that my friend told me how she funnily clicked her little brother’s picture while he was sleeping and later tortured him to death and blackmailed him to get tons of things. Whenever i go at her place i have seen them fighting for the stupidest of reasons but then i have seen them caring for each other too and to no limits known. I would like to share something i found pleasantly unique. My baby friend ‘K’ has a little brother ‘D’ and it amazes me the way they both bond. It was only recently that ‘K’ had been to Goa on a school trip and he got a toy car for ‘D’. What is awesome is that he didn’t get anything for himself but got a gift for his little brother. ‘K’ is in fifth grade. To care for someone so dearly at such a small age is so magical. Once i asked them that who their best friends are and they both took each others name. ‘D’ who is in first grade respects and obeys ‘K’ from heart. It is an urge to feel this way for someone that saddens me and makes me want a sibling.
My best friend’s sister is getting married. He is pretty self obsessed person. He is currently out for studies and will be coming soon for wedding. And there he doing all the shopping for his sister and nothing for himself proves that this bond is beyond measurement. Whenever my friends are out with me, while returning they surely take something home for their siblings. I have never done that. There is no one who expects it from me. I have no one to bitch to about what i feel. No one to plan surprises with for my parents. No one to do pillow fights with, no one for whom i have to be up all night to do assignments and homework, no sister i can watch silly movies and cry with, no brother who makes me feel protected all the time, no one who complaints about me to my parents and then also requests them to forgive me. All this is a lot to miss on.
I agree we have friends who are said to be siblings we choose. But still each relation is unique and irreplaceable and this is one relation i miss sorely. I am very open to my parents but at times when i tell them what i find extremely funny and get a ‘its-not-funny-its-disgusting’ look that when i miss having a sibling the most.
I mean who wouldn’t want a person with whom you would go to ice cream parlour…make them order an ice cream and eat more than half of their ice cream…tease them till they get upset…and then buy two ice creams for them to make them happy… :):):)

Lost?!

She was walking. All alone (or so she felt). She just kept moving ahead. It was dark. Darkness so deep, just like moving with closed eyes. That didn’t bother her. She kept on moving, surrounding herself more and more with the blanket of darkness. She couldn’t see anything. Couldn’t hear anyone. She couldn’t sense anything. She just felt one thing. Pain. Immense pain. Pain so cruel, her heart could explode. Her mind was crowded. Crowded with thoughts. Conflicting thoughts. Too many thoughts, all fighting with each other. Each thought fighting to make sense. None making sense to her. She still could not believe what had happened. She had just lived her nightmare. All that she thought she would never let happen to her was exactly what had happened. She had lost control over her life. What went wrong?? She thought. That is all she had been trying to figure. She was tired. Tired of thinking. She had been crying herself to sleep ever since. Every night she cried till the tears dried out. Now She wanted to cry out loud. She wanted to share what she was going through. She knew what will happen. She would be asked to move on. That is what she has been trying to do. Move on. But all she sees is darkness. Sympathy, that is what she would be offered. She did not want that. She hates it. She is not weak. She is a fighter. She will fight this, she thought. But one step ahead reminded her something and she was two steps behind. Broke, that is how she felt. What next, she thought. Lost in her pain she could hear voices now. She heard her name being called. She knew the voice. She answered and left with the voice. Moving ahead all she could see was darkness. Once she was scared of darkness, now darkness is all she has. She laughed at her thought. A cold laugh. She kept moving. All alone (or so she felt).