I was thinking about the numerous thoughts that zigzag in my head at one point and they are really so many that I also think about why am I thinking of so many things together or why am I even thinking about a couple of them at all because they are so futile that they can certainly be put to oblivion and never be thought of as that is exactly what they deserve and not to mention that this will leave space for thoughts that do matter like the petition for dogs that are being killed in China for some sick ritual as if we aren’t already doomed to hell because of so many other things we have done and so many other things that should be done but we don’t do which makes me think of all the things I am yet to do and I certainly can’t go to hell before I have been to NYC or before my BFF gets married or before watching ‘the secret life of pets’ which is releasing so late that it hurts and if the movie is coming out so late, the trailer shouldn’t be out this early as I can’t stop thinking about it and yet another thought is what I can’t afford just like I couldn’t afford losing my FSOG bracelet yet lost it and it still stings even after I have the exact same new one now as it was more about keeping my favorite things safe than having a new one and to be honest I do think that if I wouldn’t have found the new one I would have definitely slipped into depression but I have the bestest friend who didn’t let that happen and would never let that happen as long as it’s in her hands and that is why we all must have real, true and best friends as they won’t judge you but just be there even while you are being crazy and weird infact specially when you are being crazy and weird which is why it hit home when Sam said to Charlie, ‘C’mon, let’s go be psychos together’ and it’s thought like these that make thinking worthwhile!
We meet people as we cruise through our busy lives doing busy things like busy people in a busy world. We touch so many lives, our life touched by many more! You don’t know where, why, how or with whom your paths intersect, until they actually do! Intersections that create moments. Moments that are futile and forgettable, moments that are epic and life defining. Life is, after all, a bunch of nows! At such intersects we end up meeting some people that make it to your story. You know like your grand life story? A story that is a collection of small stories with people you meet, who don’t just touch your life but become a part of it! People happen to us all the time! Lovely, nice, funny, bad, tragic, boring, nose-digging, snoring, pompous, rude and awesome people! Some abandon you, some hurt you, some don’t love you, some don’t get you and we fight and hurt each other, all making a different story! Some stories are so tragic that you wonder why you really started them, some so damn funny that you don’t ever want them to end. Endless stories! Stories that shape up who you are, change you with time, sharpen you and calm you. They make you, you! I love my stories and my people. What I don’t like are the unfinished stories, no one does. But then it leaves so much to imagination! I can think of so many possibilities and even though I could not get my story, I get and own all these ideas! Ideas that might just inspire me to have the greatest story ever, because it is just unfinished and not yet over! So no, I am not really letting you go even as I see you go! I love the idea of you and the idea of a story with you! So, until we intersect again?!
I am a sincere person. I can’t help it. I love my job. I overwork without anyone asking me to because I actually believe it’s my duty to complete the task at hand. I absolutely detest making mistakes. It upsets me, a lot (maybe slightly more than what must be normal standard upset, if there is one)! I feel guilty for smallest of bloopers. Bloopers precede my long face day. I think I am weird, or maybe just a lucky someone who happens to love what she does?! This I think, or rather I know, isn’t the case with everyone. I see people openly hating their job, while they are at it. Doing the work casually, as casually as I tick the ‘I accept the terms and conditions box’. They don’t regret their mistake, they don’t try to think how to avoid it going forward. Maybe I am this overreacting, neurotically hyper, psycho with a conscience the size of an elephant or whatever but, HOW CAN YOU NOT FEEL BAD ABOUT A MISTAKE? Sometimes I crave such casual-I don’t give a damn-it is just another job attitude. Then just when I try to apply it, there’s a part of me that says it’s wrong and I wouldn’t want anyone doing the job I assign to them this way (I know what you are thinking, I too think I’d be a terrible boss) and I go back to being sincere! People look at me and I think I understand that look, it says ‘dude, she’s weird’! To have someone look at you that way for being sincere is not a great feeling, those are the moments where the need to be casual is at it’s peek! I wonder if I am suffering from a split personality disorder where this one part is too dominating, suppressing this version 2.0 of me. Now I am just being dramatic about it.
I have completed this post and re read it, I think I could have summed it up in one single line. I am a nerd.
PS: Wondering about the title? You know how every word brings a picture in your head? Like apple and you picture apple. Blimey brought a picture of this big round yellow smiley face who has it’s eyebrows raised, eyes wide, nose flat and mouth contorted, exactly how I feel when I think about people thinking I am weird!!
Preppy Guy: I need a drink too. I’ll get you a drink too.
Ellie: Honestly what if I enjoy the drink. What happens then?
Preppy Guy: I’d love to hear what you think happens then.
Ellie: I’ll tell you what happens then we go play beer pong with your two roommates until I end up back at yours in Murray hill.
Preppy Guy: Yeah, that’s right how’d you know that.
Ellie: Yeah then I have to listen to your roommate have sex with Hilary, or Emily or whatever the girl’s name is, until we fall asleep. And then a year later we’re still playing beer pong in the same bars with your friends except now you feel pressured to get married and have kids because you think that’s what I want.
Jason: Then in the summers you drive up to the Hampton to meet his parents wondering the whole ride if they’re going to think your pretty enough.
Jason: Wondering the whole ride if they’re going to think you’re smart enough.
Ellie: Because no one is and then we have to drink shitty chardonnay.
Jason: At a shitty garden party.
Ellie: And have shitty conversations.
Jason: About shitty people.
Ellie: With his shitty mother.
Jason: Who let’s face it doesn’t think you’re smart enough.
Jason: Let’s face it, doesn’t think you’re pretty enough.
Ellie: Because no one is.
Jason: No one ever will be.
Preppy Guy: What’s all that shit, I’m just talking about a drink.
Jason: Yeah, but it wasn’t just a drink though, was it.
Ellie: It was a marriage proposal.
Preppy Guy: Woah marriage , nah. It was a vodka soda. Alright fuck you guys then.[preppy guy walks away]
The latest bunch of sweet scoldings I have been getting from my mom include (frequently) that my priorities aren’t set. And yesterday I happened to ponder over it! It was then that it occurred to me that she didn’t say I have got my priorities wrong but she said I have not got them set, at all (Oh no!)! It was true. Lately, I have been going with the flow, without paying much thought to what I am doing. This has cost me to miss on many things which were important, very important. I would have loved them but I didn’t even think of doing them because I always had something else up my sleeve, something trivial and absolutely baseless! It’s a horrible feeling you know, realizing how incorrect my choices have been. I totally feel like Johanna Mitchell when she realised she has become a plastic too! Or maybe like Geet when she finally realises she loves Aditya (okay, maybe not that life altering realisation but then main paida hi filmy hui thi :D) And seriously, no one (not even you) would bother about the reasons behind it! You know how you mess things up just because you were ignorant! I am sure many of you would empathize. What’s worse is that, right now, all around me people have got it all right or at least so it seems (oh yeah, I do find condolence in mass mess :P) . I told my mom that I should have done these other things and after a small I-told-you-so monologue she chided me saying it is okay being reckless at times (this is added just to emphasize that I have the coolest mom EVER!). I don’t regret my choices but I wanted to do those other things too! It’s tough, this life. I have had too much liberty and that’s wrong. Basically, I have a default set up which involves being fundamentally correct (not 100%, but you know what I mean) and trust me it irks to be so. I have tried to zone it out, it strikes back with vengeance! Needless to say I am in redemption phase and putting it out here somehow makes it official and binds me to it!
Thank you for brilliance that is Hazel Grace Lancaster! Thank you for giving me a character that is insecure yet a fighter! For some, it was stupid how Hazel wanted to go all the way to Amsterdam to know the end of a novel. It was not just a end of novel for her. She wanted to know what becomes of those who were related to Anna and through which she wanted an assurance that her parents would be fine after her death and no it’s not stupid. I don’t think it was even remotely stupid. Hazel was a simple girl who knew she was dying and wanted to know that her mom and dad would be okay! All she needed was an assurance and because the author wrote like he understood her like no one else, she sought assurance from him. If (not when!) I were to die I would obviously want to know what will happen to my family! Honestly, I have pondered over it quite a few times! And maybe so, I understand that Hazel wanted an assurance that her mom won’t stop being mom, that her emotional dad won’t breakdown, that her mom and dad are going to be okay, that they won’t crumble down in grief! She is the centre of their universe, she loved them, it was only natural that she wanted to look out for them. I am not being a cynic thinking about deaths but we all know it is inevitable and uncertain! For my parents, I occupy almost 90% of their life! So I have all the right to defend and love and admire and relate to Hazel! We don’t know what awaits us in our afterlife, whether there is an afterlife at all but what we do know is that we will leave a life, a life that had people who love you. No please don’t say, deaths happen, people move on. Maybe everyone else will move on, parents don’t. Not that easily anyway! So yeah, no Hazel Grace Lancaster was not stupid, she was a silly ordinary girl like me looking out for her parents and if you find that stupid, your loss!
It’s a hassle, this life! Every day a renewed challenge, every decision a new battle. What gets you through it? What makes you get up every morning to go through the same ordeal? There has to be that something or someone or may be many reasons and people why we want to strive harder and win! I am talking about that motivation, the guiding force behind your survival! Mother’s love, father’s glare, teacher’s expectations, girlfriend’s insistence, wife’s demands, child’s future or sheer feeling to just achieve! It can be anything, something you know or something you unconsciously hold on to. That hope, that desire to be a better someone! Stick to it, however weak the resolve might get! For me it’s my mom, her mere existence is enough for me to keep breathing! What’s yours? Also, tell me you do know we all are luckier than so many others, right? There is an orphan roaming on road with no full clothes, a family going to bed with only water to satisfy hunger, a girl who instead of being admitted to college is raped, murdered and hanged on a tree, a girl who has graduated opts being an escort or a prostitute as that’s the only choice! So while you think your life is hard, pause in these moments of weakness and think about those others who probably have it tougher than you! And there are many such stories that will wrench your heart. More than anything else, live because you have been given this life by the Almighty. Live each moment as you are His favorite kid, you always will be! Before you think about how left out and unloved you are, know that by thinking so you refuse to acknowledge His love for you! It might be tough for you now but sooner or later this too shall pass 🙂
Why am I blabbering all this? Because one, I always blabber. Always. Two, I just wanted to remind you that you are special 🙂 🙂
I don’t like where we are heading.
When I thought of gifts, I thought of what will make the other person happy; now I am asked to think of what will be useful to them.
When I thought of meeting friends, I simply ordered them; Now I need to tell them in advance, plan and then too it’s not sure they’ll make it.
When I was ill, everyone knew, pampered and cared; now they don’t even know I was ill.
When we fought, we sorted it out; now we just move on with no mention of that topic.
When we were hurt, we complained; now we pretend like it didn’t hurt.
When we decided on things, we thought of everyone; now we look just at our convenience!
We discussed with an open mind; now we are stubborn, merely agreeing to disagree!
We cared about what others want; now it’s about how is it going to benefit me!
We loved; now it’s give and take.
We showed love through actions; now it’s customary words here and there.
We had an untold no secrets pact; now there is stuff we always keep forget telling.
We followed share and care; now we follow live and let live!
I don’t like where we are heading.
Are you passionate about anything in your life? A strong feeling about something. That treacherous yet soothing feeling to do the thing that you feel you are made for. That burning desire to chuck everything and everyone else aside. A desire that makes you feel incomplete and complete at the same time. A desire as strong and forceful as it might be, once fulfilled calms you in the stickiest of states. A passion that tells you that all is not lost when you are in your worst situations. A passion that is your companion, your better half, something that would never betray you. A passion that is a balm to your wounds, that cheers you up, that fills you with happiness to the brim. A strong desire for something that consumes you completely. Consumes you so much, it becomes a part of you. A part that aches if not fed properly. A part that craves for attention and you love attending to it. Something as addictive as a drug; a drug with no bodily harm. A part that you cherish, love and revel in!!
This is how I feel about my books. A little late though I am but with no lesser emotion, HAPPY WORLD BOOKS DAY!! They are my passion, my books. What’s yours?
Big day tomorrow Mumbai. Let’s go out there and vote!!!! It’s not just another holiday, not just another work day either. It’s the day on which you do your bit for country. A country you hate, crib about, detest, find flaws in but love it all the same. Time to have our say, time to voice our opinion, time to take a stand! Why vote?
Trains are too crowded?
Trains are not frequent enough?
Potholes on roads?
Uncleared litter, over flowing dustbin on roads?
And so many more issues. What’s your complain??
You can’t complain unless you vote! Can’t say they not doing their job if we haven’t done our bit! So go vote, vote to crib but vote! They represent us, we choose that government. We have the power. That small vote decides it all.
I am not saying anything you haven’t already heard, not doing anything great, we already know this. I am just reminding you of your basic duty. Let’s have the largest turnout ever!
Please, go vote!